


Tim Drake: Demon Summoner

by FluffyPuffySheeps



Series: The Many Faces of Tim Drake [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Demon Summoning, Gen, I stole that tag from somewhere else sorry, Is crack normally this short?, Jason Todd cooks, Never question what Tim does in his free time, No Plot/Plotless, This Is STUPID, no beta we die like robins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyPuffySheeps/pseuds/FluffyPuffySheeps
Summary: Tim summons demons.That's it that's the story.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Series: The Many Faces of Tim Drake [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706092
Comments: 29
Kudos: 398





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Know absolutely nothing about summoning, this is crack, written in 20 minutes  
> Hope it's good crack at least  
> Never written anything like this before  
> It's short  
> Written cause I don't want to think about good writing and writing my WIP right now

“Hey, Timbo! I need the info for the Drugger case. You said it was ready. Tim? Yo, replacement! Get your a** out here!”

“By the order of…… I summon thee,.... Dæmon, parendum est…”

What the heck.

Jason peered around the corner of the doorframe and sneezed at the sudden blast of incense and candles. In the room, Tim stood in the middle of a pentagram reciting some latin spell. Wind whipped around him like a tornado, strangely not able to disturb bowls of water set out at each of the points of the pentagram. At the sight of him, Tim’s eyes widened. Unceasing in his chant, he leaned out, grabbed Jason’s arm, and dragged him into the circle.

“And thus the contract is fulfilled.” He finished. 

Suddenly, the lights flickered, once, twice, then went out. Plunged into sudden darkness, Jason peered outwards. Was…. was Replacement summoning a demon?

“What the h*** is going on here, Tim.” He hissed. 

“Summoning demons.” The younger replied nonchalantly.

“I- what- since when do you- why?”

“It’s a hobby.” Close as they were, Jason could his shoulders shrug. “I dunno, i just don’t have time to do my laundry. Demons seemed like a logical solution. “

“You could’ve just hired someone! Or moved back into the Manor, or something.” Jason said, flabbergasted.

“It’s really not a big deal. You cook, Dick makes lanyards, and I summon demons.”

No wonder he replaced me. Bruce was too scared not to take him in.

“Now, shhh, he’s coming.”

Suddenly, the candles floating in the bowls (he’d missed those earlier) lit up, casting what should have been a warm glow on the room. Instead, it was ominous, casting shadows that vaguely reminded Jason of large, venomous, vampire bunnies.

“WHY HAST THOU SUMMONED ME MORTAL!?” A deep voice boomed, shaking the very foundation. 

“Bill!” Tim greeted. “Look, I’ve got a problem.”

“TIMOTHY THE SLAVE MASTER, WE MEET AGAIN. SOMEDAY, I SHALL TAKE THY SOUL WITH ME DOWN TO THE KINGDOM OF THE-”

“Yeah, yeah yeah.” Tim interrupted. “No one cares. Anyone, my favorite shirt got a stain again. Can you get it out?”

“THE STAR WARS ONE?”

“Uh uh. It’s some mixture of blood, coffee, and an unidentifiable substance.”

“I CLEANED THAT LAST WEEK!” The demon yelled, outraged.

“Yes, well, life happens. Go on now.”

The candles blew out again, and the evil bunnies returned to their lair. Jason released his rather tight on Tim (he wasn’t scared), and took several deep breaths.

“You named it Bill!?” He whisper screamed.

“Nah, it’s actually William, I just liked Bill better. He hasn’t objected too much. Hey, did you bring the cookies in exchange for the info?”

“What- I- yes. But back to the whole demons thing?”

“Great.” Tim said. “Hand them over real quick. I use ‘em as an offering. The otherworldly spirits love them.”

“If that’s supposed to be comforting it’s not! Oh, no wait, let me just put that on my cooking blog. ‘Demons give 5-star reviews!’” Jason snapped. 

“You have a cooking blog?” Tim muttered distractingly, taking the cookies from his arms and breaking them up into little bits, sprinkling them all around the pentagram.

“Not the point! And yes, yes I do. Don’t go looking for it.”

The little lights came up again, and the wind swirled around the edges of the room. From the corner of his vision, Jason could see something black. He had the overwhelming feeling that someone was staring, watching, right behind him, but no matter where he turned, he couldn’t see anything.

“THE TASK IS COMPLETED. TASKMASTER, WHO IS THIS OTHER MORTAL?”

“Great, thanks. Got the cookies out for you. And this is my brother Jason. He makes the cookies.” Tim answered.

“THIS IS THE MASTER OF THE TREATS? OH MASTER, WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR MAKING THE EXPERIENCE WITH THY BROTHER BEARABLE. IF YOU ARE EVER IN NEED OF US CRUSHING YOUR ENEMIES, SIMPLY CALL UPON MY NAME.”

“Uhhhhh, thanks. I guess. Think I can do my own enemy crushing….. But ok.”Jason stammered.

“Thy task, dæmon, is complete. Take the offering and leave.” Tim intoned.

For the last time, the evil bunnies swirled around the room, and a pure stream of black rose from the floorboards, convalescing into a single blob, before disappearing completely. The lights flickered back on again, and Tim extracted himself from Jason’s hold and the pentagram. He took the cookies with him.

“Right, the info is in the folder on the counter. I’m going to go find your cooking blog!”

Tim scampered off, and Jason could feel his jaw dropping, before he stepped carefully out of the circle and rushed right off of him.

“That is a private blog, da*****!”


	2. Werewolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Hasegawa's comment on the last chapter that said "Who clean the bathroom then? Werewolves?" and I... have been thinking about it for the last, like five months and here it is, finally!

“Hey, Tim, do you want some-

“Get back here, you piece of trash! You rat! Yeah, I’m talking to you!”

“Uh, Tim?”

“You utter coat hanger, you piece of spam mail, you- mm? Yeah, what’s up Jason?”

“Why are you-Why are you yelling at the moon?”

As far as Jason could tell, the moon hadn’t done anything wrong. He could be wrong though, this was Gotham, he’d arrested a candle the other night (It had wanted to make a  _ wick _ buck, but its career in crime had gone up in flames.)

“It’s not there!”

That was true; clouds covered the sky like it was going to storm.They were big and fluffy and dark, similar to an evil giant hamster. Probably should head inside in that case, he didn’t want either of them to be caught in the rain out on the rooftop.

“And that is a problem why?”

“Because now the werewolves won’t come!” Tim cried, distraught.

Hold up.

This  _ again _ ?   
  


“Tim.” Jason started, a bit desperate. “Please don’t tell me you have were-creatures doing your laundry as well. William was bad enough.”

“WiLLiAm.” Tim mocked. “Geez, you don’t have to be so formal. And no, what do you think I am, crazy?”

Yes.

“Wolves, doing laundry? That’s just stupid. There’s a reason I’m the smart Robin. Nah, they clean my bathroom. WHICH, YOU SPORK, IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS, SO WHY DON’T YOU COME BACK HERE COWARD AND LET THE WEREWOLVES CLEAN!”

Deep breaths, Jason. Deep breaths. “Timbo. You let werewolves into your house? Maybe you… shouldn’t do that?”

“You don’t understand, Jason! Esmeralda was supposed to deliver last week! And Phoebus’s leg was broken! It’s, like, a symbolic relationship.” Tim said, now in tears.

“ Timbo, buddy, I don’t think you’re using that word right, did you mean symbiotic- wait, you named the werewolves after Hunchback of Notre Dame?” Jason asked, concerned now for his little brother/replacement/person’s mental health. 

“I am using it right! It’s symbolic ‘cause our feral natures are kept at bay because humans work, and, like, the werewolves demonstrate that as well- they don’t kill me when they are working. To be fair, they have a lifelong debt towards me, so I had to give them something to do, but yeah, I mean, look at you, Jason. You went insane when you died and then were left without a life or work.” Tim explained.

“That’s a- That’s both wrong and right at the same time. I. I don’t think that’s how it works? ‘placement, let’s go inside, please, it’s raining.”   
  


The drops were coming down now, harder and faster with every passing second. If there had ever been moonlight, it was gone now, and all that remained was Tim and Jason, standing on a rooftop, one of them murmuring something about getting a weather witch to make the rain go away (didn’t he have some more of Jason’s cookies in storage he could trade with?), the other wondering how, exactly, Bruce had put up with this for so many years.

Tim’s gaze suddenly zeroed in on him. “Wait. Jason. What are you holding.”

“Oh, this?” He lifted the saran wrapped plate carefully. “I just made some extra lemon bars, wanted to see if i could dump them on you.”   
  


“Jason. Jason. The man, the myth, the psycho legend, you’re a lifesaver. Oh boy. This is gonna be good.”

Tim had that look in his eyes, the look that always spelled trouble, like the time he placed rubber ducks in every single chair in the Manor with no explanation, or the time he rigged the Cave to shower Bruce in feathers whenever he grunted. (There were a lot of feathers by the end of it). Jason both feared and was in awe of that look.

He took off running, and Jason had no choice but to follow. Tim twisted, then turned, then jumped over- was that the stupid sentient candle he swore if he had to deal with it again- and stopped in front of a wooden door in an alleyway.

You could tell it was a witch’s home from the way there was a dark feeling around, the way the door had no doorknob and was made of old rotted wood. You could also tell from the sign that said ‘Witch’s home’. A bit obvious but hey, Jason wasn’t judging.

Tim knocked and the door opened up to a wizened old lady with round spectacles, who was wearing a robe of sorts dyed deep purple. Her eyes were honey brown like a glass of whiskey, which Jason was sorely wishing he had.

“Oh, Timothy dearest, I have forseen your arrival, come child, tell of your need. And- why hello. Who is this? Introduce me as well, eh?” She said.

“Madam Joan, this is my brother, Jason.”

Joan the witch took a good long look at him, long enough that Jason was starting to squirm. “I did not forsee  _ your _ arrival, but I suppose it was fate.” She winked at him and Jason felt the last shred of his dignity shrivel and wither away. Why was it always Tim that met these people?

“Come in, Come in!”

They were led inside, Jason still confused as to what was going on. “I can’t stay for long.” Tim said. “But I was hoping to trade some lemon bars to get the clouds to go away?”

Joan licked her lips, still staring at Jason. “Sure, dearest, just remember to visit with your brother again.”

Tim took the bars and set them on the counter while Joan waved some dangly things in the air and chanted a bit. Jason didn’t look too closely at the dangly things. He didn’t want to know what they were.

Then they skedaddled out of there, Replacement whooping in excitement when he caught sight of the full moon.

“So, Timbo.” Jason asked when they finally got to Pretender’s apartment building, yes he’d followed Tim back, clearly the kid could not function on his own, and he sort of wanted to meet the werewolves. “You do realize that witch is a cougar?”

“Yeah. I mean it gets kind of bloody, and dealing with the meat in her place is a pain, it’s not like she’s hiding it.”

Jason almost choked. Correction, he did choke. 

“You ok, Jason?” Tim asked as he thumped Jason’s back. “Anyway, when she gets naked it's a bit uncomfortable too, but I usually just look away.”

Jason coughed harder.

“But I mean, turning into a cougar is probably just as uncomfortable for her as it is for me. Can you imagine growing a tail? Like, a whole extra limb. Would not be fun. And then you have to lose a limb every time you transform back.”

“Wait. A tail?”

“Yeah, you know, from transforming? Cougars have tails, did you not know that? Oh, I bet you’re confusing them with lynxes. Lynxes have really short tails, like a lamb or something.” Tim said obviously. 

Jason was suddenly able to breathe in again as he processed this new information. For a second there he’d thought- he’d thought that- Never mind. He never wanted to rethink those thoughts ever, ever again.

Tim opened the door to his apartment and frowned. “Aw. Looks like they left already. But they left a note though.”

They did, indeed, leave a note. Or rather, a paw print of black ink on some note paper. So  _ that’s  _ why Timberly kept a bowl of ink on his counter. He’d thought it was kind of weird.

The elder peeked into the bathroom as well and gasped. Unlike the rest of the apartment, it was  _ spotless _ . Absolutely sparkling. He took back every doubt he had about Tim’s unusual methods of cleaning, this was enough to bring tears to Alfred’s eyes.

“Hey Jason! Love the new recipe on the blog. Can’t wait to eat brownies.”

Jason’s eye twitched at the reminder that his blog was no longer so private but then he grinned, remembering what he’d found the other day. Revenge was finally his. “Thanks! And speaking of blogs, I found your Tumblr the other day.”

Tim’s eyes filled with fear.

“Why is your entire blog dedicated to potatoes and worms on a string?”


End file.
